How to work through and transform inner resistance, procrastination or avoidance with compassion and sensitivity
Inner resistance is something that we can all struggle with... some of us more than others depending our life experiences and life myth.
While it can keep you stuck, trapped, missing out on beneficial experiences and the good things in life and even get you into trouble at work when it shows up as avoidance and procrastination, it can also be a wise protector.
The challenge is to meet your inner resistance in a way that you can understand what its deeper message is, so you can make aligned choices and respond instead of react.
My experience with inner resistance
I want to share a little story about my own recent experience with inner resistance and a 7 step approach you can use to work with your resistance, procrastination or avoidance.
You can watch or listen to me talk about inner resistance and how to move through it here or if you prefer to read, keep reading on below the video….
The beach is one of my favourite places to rest, dream, explore and play. I’ve written previously about how it is a powerful liminal space for healing. So normally I jump at any opportunity to go the beach when the weather is just right - not too hot, not too cold or windy.
But the other weekend I almost didn’t go. Although my husband and I planned the trip before we went to sleep, when I woke up in the morning I had such a strong inner resistance to going arising from within me that it almost stopped me in my tracks.
The resistance was a like a strong energy inside my stomach pushing everything outside me away and it wouldn’t allow me to take one step towards getting ready to go.
Maybe you’ve experienced inner resistance in a similar way?
It can also be a quiet (or not so quiet) inner voice that firmly says no or I don’t want to, or it can feel like an energy that pushes things away, or an anxiety or discomfort that moves you into avoidance or procrastination.
If you just listen to that initial message and take it on face value without questioning it, it can stop you from doing things that you really want to do. And that’s what almost happened me—why I almost didn’t end up going to beach. Fortunately I knew to investigate it further and I’ll explain my process below.
While inner resistance can hinder and be a challenging obstacle, not all resistance is detrimental. Sometimes, it serves as a protective barrier, guiding us away from choices and actions that may not align with our values or needs or be best for us.
So, how do we navigate resistance without allowing it to make decisions in your life on autopilot?
I believe the key lies in fostering a relational approach— one rooted in curiosity and gentleness rather than overcoming.
Self-help and coaching industries like to teach people how to overcome perceived limitations or obstacles. But I find this approach can be like bullying yourself. It has roots in self-abuse and can cause shame.
Instead, a relational approach allows you to get to know your experience better rather than just reacting to it. You get to know the wisdom and deeper message within the resistance so you can choose how you want to respond instead of reacting.
7 steps to working with you inner resistance, procrastination or avoidance
Here’s a 7-step relational approach you can try to work with your inner resistance, procrastination or avoidance to get to know its wisdom, message and maybe even begin to transform it:
When faced with resistance, the first step is acknowledgment.
Name and acknowledge that you are experiencing resistance, procrastination or avoidance.
Simply acknowledging its presence without judgment can create space for understanding and exploration.
Breathe with your resistance.
Sometimes just breathing with your experience can be enough for it to dissipate and resolve. Breathing slowly and deeply into your belly stimulates your vagus nerve and activates your parasympathetic nervous system, bringing you into a state of rest, digest and safety.
Cultivate curiousity.
Curiousity is one of the most important qualities and metaskills you can learn to cultivate in life and is essential to any inner work you do as it keeps you open to new ideas and information.
When you are curious, you aren’t looking at yourself in an analytical way, which can close down tentative and sensitive parts of yourself a bit like a turtle pulling its head into its shell.
Approach your inner resistance with a sense of openness and wonder. Be willing to be surprised by your experience.
Tune into your resistance a little bit by feeling, sensing and noticing it in your body with your gentle curiousity.
You don't need to go too deeply into it especially if it's quite overwhelming. Just notice it from a distance, where it is in your body, its sensations, temperature, colour, if words or images emerge or you can ask your resistance for this information, remembering to be gentle and curious.
Notice how old is the resistance. Does it feel like a young part of you?
Sometimes resistance can arise from a young part of you that has split off and holds a lot of energy, power and emotion and operates outside of your everyday conscious awareness. When this happens, young parts can hijack your life by making decisions for you on autopilot. This is not something to shame them or yourself for, because it has served a purpose and helped you in a way that you have grown out of.
So if you find the resistance is coming from a young part of yourself, approach it with care and respect. You may need to be tender and loving and sometimes also firm.
See if you can find out what it what it needs. Maybe it needs reassurance or some soothing, attention or understanding. Maybe it’s really confused and needs information and updating about how life is now or maybe it has things it needs to tell you to help it feel safe.
By meeting the young part of yourself in this way and giving it what it needs, the feeling of resistance may start to subside. Sometimes more tending, care and dialogue is required
After inquiring, come back to your heart centre, and ask your heart what’s really true for you?
What step does it want you to take? What's the step you need to take but might not want to take?
Then breathe with any answers that come to you, strengthening your connection with your heart and what is most true for you.
Maybe the truth matches what the resistance was telling you or maybe it’s telling you that you don’t have capacity right now, or this choice or action isn’t for you because it isn’t aligned, safe or in your highest good. Or maybe it says something else.
By coming back to your source of truth and to what I call your big Self —your conscious aware self—you can be aware of the choices and actions that are aligned and the direction you need to go in.
Breathing with to strengthen and embody this connection and knowing can sometimes help your desire to become greater than your resistance so you can naturally flow in the direction past the resistance.
Finally, connected to your source of truth, the last thing to do is to see if you can take a step that is aligned, even if it’s small. And it’s okay if you can’t.
Your heart and your resistance may need to have a longer conversation.
Sometimes we have other edges that arise that need to be known and resourced before we can take the step. And sometimes our resistance can be really strong and have many layers. Your young part may be carrying a lot of pain and trauma so it needs more time, support and healing for the protective mechanism of resistance to subside and free you to do what you really want or need to do.
If you find yourself grappling with resistance in your own journey, know that you're not alone. It happens to all of us.
If you need some help and support, you can book an appointment with me. I'd be honoured to support you.
With love and courage,
Kym xx
