You’re not too sensitive or too emotional or ‘too much’ of anything
For too long you’ve been told that you’re too sensitive, too emotional, too shy, too weird, too deep, too complex, too quiet, too different, too much of the vibrant living qualities that make you you and unique.
You might have heard it from your parents or caregivers or siblings when you were growing up. And even now you’re all grown up, you might still hear it from them.
Maybe you heard it from friends, colleagues or bosses.
You’ve most likely absorbed it from media, advertising and collective messaging.
Maybe they told you to toughen up or grow a thicker skin.
Maybe they said you’re overreacting or being too dramatic.
You might have been asked, “Why are you making such a big deal?” or “Why are you so sensitive?” with that tone of criticism and condescension… you know that tone that is used as a question but is actually a declarative judgment complete with daggers piercing your skin and heart?
You’ve probably been told that you need to learn how to handle criticism and be stronger. Don’t be so touchy! Don’t let things bother you so much! Don’t be a baby!
You probably believed what they told you and internalised it, which means you think there is something wrong with you, that you are too emotional, too sensitive, too different from everyone else. Not tough enough. Not strong enough. Why am I always crying? Why aren’t I like everyone else?
Inside you, along with those beliefs, is the deep hurt and pain that comes with criticism and rejection and this kind of verbal assault.
Inside you is shame from feeling like something is wrong with you–that you are bad.
Inside you is an emptiness and depression as the sensitive parts of your soul go into hiding, move far away into the background or even leave, unwanted and not wanting to be in this harsh environment.
But there was something missing at the time you were told all these things.
Something essential that would have made all the difference, and that something is actually a someone.
Someone who sees the beauty, perfection and uniqueness in who you are with your combination of sensitive gifts and qualities.
Someone who takes your side, stands up for you and protects you from the meanness and judgment of others.
For a moment, I want to be that person for you, if you’ll allow me.
Imagine me standing by your side in physical form or as a guardian angel.
This is what I would tell you and what I would do...
Beautiful sensitive soul, your loved ones, friends, bosses, colleagues, the media and collective have got it wrong.
They do not understand the beauty, depth or power of being a sensitive human being on this planet. But I do, because I have walked the path to heal the injuries to my sensitive nature and reclaim its gifts.
So as a highly sensitive soul to another sensitive soul, let me show you how incredible all of your supposed “too muchness” is.
Your sensitivity is your greatest gift and it’s a gift and medicine that this planet needs now in massive proportions.
This planet needs more people who can feel their deep feelings and respond to them in themselves and others.
It needs more conscientiousness and deeper contemplation, quiet and thoughtfulness.
It needs more people who can sense and feel what is going on around them and who have the courage and emotional intelligence to respond and act and not ignore it.
Your empathy offers profound comfort and understanding to the people, creatures and nature in your life.
Your awareness and intuition guides you through life's complexities and leads you to insights that others might miss.
Your deep inner world and ability to dream and tap into the imaginal realms fuel your artistic and innovative endeavours. It brings new ideas, insights, poetry, art and other creations into the world.
Sensitive soul, when someone calls you “too sensitive” or any other criticism of who you are, it tells you more about them and what’s happening inside them than it does about who you really are.
They are telling you about their own hurts, as well as marginalised and disowned parts of themselves that they’re trying to keep at bay.
They are telling you about their own inability or discomfort to be with sensitive feelings and emotion, as well as their beliefs about hiding and not showing feelings or vulnerability.
They do this by projecting their feelings onto you or others, and criticising you for traits they struggle with internally. This is called projection, and is a psychological defence mechanism where individuals attribute their own unacceptable feelings or thoughts to another person.
It is an attempt to shut you down so they don’t have to feel their own discomfort and pain.
What is often more true is the inverse or opposite of the judgments that they place on to you. It’s not that you’re too sensitive, but that they are what they judge in you as too sensitive or they’re not sensitive enough.
Pause…
Pause for a moment and contemplate that.
Can you see how that is true or might be true? How the person or people calling you “too much” might be exactly what they are criticising you for, either a little or a lot inside where it’s hidden? Or how they might have been told they were “too much” when they were younger and are just passing it on? How they might be the complete opposite of what they are calling you and how they are holding themselves up as the norm or standard and making any other way of being wrong?
Now take a deep breath in to your belly, exhale and let that go.
Some of our deepest injuries, trauma and shame is caused by a lack of witnessing and protection at the time of the event or soon afterwards.
When you are young, you are more vulnerable, not having yet developed all the boundaries and psychological skills to protect yourself against other people.
You are like a sponge, absorbing the energies, beliefs and ideas of those around you. When the criticism is coming from your parent or caregiver or someone bigger in power than you, you are more vulnerable, because they are big (in power) and you are small. Most parents don’t like it when their child fights back or argues back. It is disallowed and so often there’s no other choice but to take it in and maybe even apologise for just being who you are.
Do you know what I would do if I were there with you when you were told you’re too sensitive or too emotional or too much?
I’d stand right by your side or even in front and tell them that you’re not.
I’d tell them to stop it, stop speaking, shut up.
I’d tell them that they are being mean, cruel even and insensitive.
I’d tell them how amazing you are and how much I love your feelings and sensitivity and the way you express yourself.
I’d tell them to wake up and look at what they are doing–”can’t you see how you are using your words and power to try and hurt a human being and their soul?”
And if they wouldn’t stop, do you know what I would do?
I’d take you by the hand and take you some place away from that person.
I’d sit with you while you feel your feelings and cry and your nervous system regulates so you start to feel safe again.
Then I’d tell you all the beautiful and incredible and unique things I see about you and your sensitivity, and how worthy you are of protection.
If I could go back in time, I would protect and defend you and your sensitivity so fiercely that you were never injured.
But I can’t physically do this.
What I can do in the present is help you clear and untangle all the judgments and criticisms you ever received; to process and heal the trauma of being wronged and shamed to be who you are; to discover all the ways your sensitivity and true nature is a gift, and help you retrieve the parts of your soul that hid or fled.
Because my sincerest hope is that you will love who you are–who your soul came here to be with all the nuances, quirks, vibrancy and uniqueness you are.
That you can feel safe and free to be and express your truest self in all the ways you feel called.
That you can thrive as a sensitive being in this often rough and tumble home we call earth.
With love and sincere courage,
