For too long you’ve been told that you’re too sensitive, too emotional, too shy, too weird, too deep, too complex, too quiet, too different, too much of the vibrant living qualities that make you you and unique.

You might have heard it from your parents or caregivers or siblings when you were growing up. And even now you’re all grown up, you might still hear it from them. Maybe you heard it from friends, colleagues or bosses. You’ve most likely absorbed it from media, advertising and collective messaging.

Inner resistance is something that we can all struggle with... some of us more than others depending our life experiences and life myth. While it can keep you stuck, trapped, missing out on beneficial experiences and the good things in life and even get you into trouble at work when it shows up as avoidance and procrastination, it can also be a wise protector. The challenge is to meet your inner resistance in a way that you can understand what its deeper message is, so you can make aligned choices and respond instead of react.

Some members of my community have been telling me that they’re in various states of freeze that they've been in for quite some time, or that they’re really challenged by going into a freeze response in certain situations such as being criticised by a loved one or having anger directed towards them.

So in this helpful article, I explain:

• what a freeze state is

• why you can get stuck in a freeze response

• the typical approaches people react to a freeze and why they don’t work

• how radical self-compassion can help yourself get out of a freeze state; and

• I take you through Tara Brach’s RAIN process combined with somatic touch to help you through a freeze/shutdown response or any challenge you may be experiencing

• BONUS audio recording of me taking you through the RAIN and somatic touch process for radical self-compassion

I was going to write an article about how our inner critics work against us, but now that I’ve sat down to write, the words have frozen inside me and it feels like a drawer-bridge crashed down in front of me so I can’t move forward and write. My stomach is constricted. Feelings of dread, horror and shame arise. My arms feel jittery and weak. I want to go and do something else that doesn’t feel as hard or scary.

Have you ever experienced something like that?

Maybe it wasn’t as result of writing. Perhaps you wanted to reach out to someone to take the next step in a friendship or relationship, make contact with someone you haven’t spoken to for a long time, apply for your dream job, go somewhere new on holiday or take a creative class alone, speak in public or bring up a conflict or issue in a relationship. You may have concluded that you’re on the wrong track, that what you’re feeling is an indication that you shouldn’t proceed. If it feels bad, maybe you’re just not meant to do it? Or maybe what you long for just isn’t for you? Why would doing something you love or really want to do feel so bad? But this often isn’t what it signifies at all.

Instead of writing about inner critics in this article or even a more soulful piece as I love to do, I am sharing about navigating the freeze response on your growing edge – where you want to step towards something you long to experience but freeze and get stuck and can’t go towards it. It can be very painful, lonely and upsetting. Without a map – a clear understanding– of what is happening you can stay stuck for too long or give up and never get to where you long to be.

Sometimes when I’m working a big growth edge in my life, I wake up feeling fear and dread in my stomach, mostly fear. When I feel intense feelings that I don’t like my old pattern is to get rid of it by pushing it away, ignoring it or dissociating from it. This was how I survived some overwhelming felt experiences in my childhood.

The problem is that these strategies may bring some temporary relief but they aren’t very effective in the long-term. Resisting any unwanted feeling tends to amplify it and can lock it in, especially if the feeling is coming from a young part of you that needs your holding and care and another part of you is pushing it away. Trying to ignore it on the other hand can lead to reactive behavior or disconnecting from the body you are here to inhabit and fully live through.

In this article I will explain:

1. the role your feelings play in your life and why they matter

2. what you need to know about tending to your feelings (and what not to do)

3. and how to become a safe space for you feelings so that you don’t get stuck in them and can discover the wisdom they may hold

Dear lost, searching, trying, sensitive soul,

If change has been forced upon you. If the rug has been pulled out from under your feet.

If what you had is lost or taken from you and you’ve been thrown into a sudden abyss of darkness and uncertainty. If your way is lost, you’ve lost your vision, become directionless, disoriented, confused and you don’t know what to do, who or where to turn to.

Your body may be panicking. You might be fearful and anxious, desperate and scrambling to find a way out of your situation. Your nervous system will be automatically making you react into fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

But don’t rush to take the first step that comes to mind to get you out of your experience and away from where you don’t want to be unless the house is on fire or you are in some other kind of immediate danger. Don’t scramble to retrace your steps to find out where you went wrong to end up in this place for nothing is wrong despite what you may think. This may be confusing but stay with me and you’ll understand.

There will be times in your life, when change is forced upon you, the rug is pulled out from under your feet, where what you had is lost or taken from you and you are thrown into a sudden abyss of darkness and uncertainty. The way is lost.

You may feel immense fear, panic, dread, and confusion, worry or even numbness or shame.

When things stop working in your life or where you are trying to reach a goal but can’t find your way to get there, you can easily jump to the conclusion that something is wrong, that you’ve made a mistake and that you need to fix things to make it work again.

There is a biological reason for this. …

Merry. Happy. Jolly. Joy. These are some of the most used words at this time of year.

But the reality for many people is that they don’t feel merry, happy, jolly or joyful. They are experiencing sadness, grief, loneliness, depression and anxiety. This might be you too.

These feelings can be exacerbated at this time of year because there is an expectation and focus on being festive and joyful to the exclusion of these other feelings that are ignored or pushed aside or even shamed (along the lines of “It’s Christmas! Be happy!”) These other feelings want and deserve care, attention and a place at the table as well.

Not feeling safe is at the core of many of your struggles, worries and problems. But even if your life feels okay and you think you feel pretty safe, you will still be affected by a lack of safety, you just might not realise it. In this article, I’ll reveal how lack of safety exists and how it affects you.

Not feeling safe is more common than you realise. You might not know that you don’t feel fully safe or that what you’re really seeking though your goals and actions in the world is deeper levels of safety. So here’s my list of 31 signs that a lack of safety might be impacting your life.

Many people don’t feel truly safe, they just don’t know that’s what they are experiencing. Here's my definition of safety and the 5 core components that contribute to feeling safe to help you understand what it means to be safe and assess how safe you feel.