What does it mean to feel safe? My definition and 5 core components of safety
Not feeling truly safe impacts your life in more ways than you realise. Feeling safe might not be something you talk about or are focused on unless you are living in an unsafe situation.
But the truth is, not feeling truly safe is at the core of many of your problems and struggles.
Many people don’t feel truly safe, they just don’t know that’s what they are experiencing because they’re not in physical danger such as being in a violent relationship, living in a war zone or in poverty, or being bullied in the workplace.
We also tend to focus our thoughts and energies on solving our problems, which are often only the surface level symptoms. Not feeling safe shows up in many different ways such as anxiety, worrying, stress, self-doubt, hiding your feelings, loneliness and isolation.
When I started my healing journey, I didn’t realise that many of the struggles I experienced and the way I was showing up in life– tentative, anxious and plagued with self-doubt– was because of my own experience of not feeling safe. I just thought there was something wrong with me.
While I worked on my challenges, ultimately what I was really doing was healing my sense of safety in the world.
I will share more about what it’s like to not feel safe, why you don’t have enough safety and why safety matters in future articles. Today I am introducing you to my definition of safety and the 5 core components that contribute to feeling safe.
So what does it mean to feel safe?
Dictionary.com defines safe as free from hurt, harm, danger, injury or risk.
I think it is helpful yet incomplete to define safe in this way. While it’s telling you what’s not present when you feel safe, it doesn’t tell you what is present, or the qualities and experience of feeling safe.
So instead, I prefer to think about the essential qualities of feeling safe and define it like this…
At its essence, to feel safe is to be a whole and present you, in your body, grounded on the earth, trusting in life, empowered and equipped to fulfil your core needs, respond to life and its challenges and naturally expressing your unique essence.
If it was a mathematical formula it would look like this:
To feel safe = being whole + present + in your body + grounded + trusting life + empowered and equipped to fulfil core needs + respond to challenges + express your unique essence
You can also think of feeling safe like being your own unique type of tree with strong, healthy roots running into the earth holding you here, nurturing and sustaining your life fore. Your trunk taking the form that it was uniquely designed to take as well as your branches twisting and stretching out taking their own unique form unlike any other tree around them. The tree can weather storms, droughts and bushfires and adapt, even if that is to fall or seed itself again. The tree trusts that storms pass and it flows with the cycles and seasons of life.
While you may not have contemplated the essence state of feeling safe, you may recognise how you feel safe when you experience the following in your life.
1. It’s safe to be you.
You feel safe to be you in your life, whole and present.
You can be you exactly as you are and you don’t have to hide parts of you or change who you are to belong.
You express your feelings and thoughts and creativity in all the ways you feel to, without censor or hiding or self-criticism.
You know who you are. You like who you are and you’re not constantly trying to change yourself to be someone else or a better version of yourself– you nurture and grow the unique being that you are, not try to be a different one.
2. Healthy self-esteem
Feeling safe means having healthy self-esteem and power.
When you feel safe you trust yourself and believe in yourself. Indecision and self-doubt are not your constant companion. If you ever struggled with self-doubt, it is transformed into an ally of discernment and checking in with your internal self-authority.
You have boundaries and can confidently say yes and no to those around you without fear. You are a sovereign being with healthy relational patterns that don’t subject you to the constant push and pull of those around you and societal expectations.
You speak up and express yourself when and how you choose to. You care for your own feelings and can talk about them with safe and appropriate others.
3. No fear of existing.
You trust that your basic fundamental needs are going to be met, even if money is scarce, you know that you will find a way or receive support.
You feel fundamentally secure in the way you are supported in life and your ability to support yourself.
You know and feel that you are held between heaven and earth and supported by both. You don’t feel hunted or haunted from past events in your life, or difficult energies or a sense that something is after you.
This means that you can be present in your body and your life, not trying to be somewhere else and not constantly or regularly scanning your environment for danger or risk of harm, which in psychological terms is called hypervigilance. You can feel at ease in your body throughout the day and in your interactions and only respond to signs of danger as they arise.
Safe is feeling grounded, stable and responsive.
4. Your existence matters
When you feel safe, you know that your existence matters and you are worthy. You are wanted and needed here. You matter.
Your feelings and needs matter to you and to your loved ones. You are worthy of protection. Those who love you protect you, and you protect yourself through healthy boundaries, caring for your own needs and feelings and taking actions to protect yourself from harm.
5. Belonging and healthy, supportive relationships
Human beings are wired for connection. We need each other for our own survival. This is why being excluded, rejected or expelled from a group can feel so painful and life threatening.
Even if you can’t belong within your own family group, you find your belonging to yourself, to the earth, to god or the Divine and then through the relationships you choose to have with trustworthy people around you.
You have healthy supportive relationships with people who:
Unconditionally care for you, your feelings and needs,
Who listen to you, are interested in you, allow you to be you and are supportive of you.
Are willing to work through conflicts and misunderstandings when they arise.
Don’t try to control you or use power over you and priorities their own needs and will.
Are deserving of your trust.
If you are in relationship with people who don’t exhibit these qualities, then you will feel unsafe.
When I sit in the essence of safety with you, it means that I see and know there is something precious and beautiful inside you.
I am going to be with you in a way that you can feel safe in your experience with me so that you can come into wholeness, presence and bloom.
Because when this happens, you can be more you than you’ve ever been.
Your soul can come close and soul parts can come back to heal and embody. Your singular combination of qualities and gifts can integrate within you and come to life to be expressed freely, creatively and abundantly.
The world can be blessed by the unique essence that you are.
You get to live your life’s purpose through being you.
This is the deepest meaning and fulfillment you can attain in life.
This article is the first in a series of articles about feeling safe. You might also be interested in the following:
Transform your sense of safety
Are you struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, or feeling unsupported? Schedule a free intro call to discover how I can help you build the foundation of safety, self-worth, and supportive relationships in your life or if you’re ready to jump in and get started book your first session today.
